What the McFuck man?!?!

Okay, here's a real zinger:

July 4th, 2008

The time was roughly 11:30 pm. The drive thru was jammed as usual, but we had just enough people on duty to get the damn food out. I was ready to smash my head into the wall after hearing "Where's your dollar menu at on the board?" for the 100th fucking time. (C'mon people! It's right where it says "DOLLAR MENU" in big white letters!) When all of a sudden, a violent shattering noise jolted me from my monotone duties and rattled throughout the entire store. Two of the grill workers came running back to the adjoining office, frantically screaming as though they'd just been shot or something.


"What the hell's going on up there?" Was the only practical question one could ask in such a situation. Everyone at work knows I have the attention span of a donut, so I just ran up there to see what was up. To my surprise, I spotted a black teenage boy poking his head through a hole in the sliding glass entry doorway, screaming like a drunken chimpanzee.

"Jose", a co-worker, was within punching distance of him, asking him what he was doing. Seriously? A fucking teenage maggot shatters a glass window and you're gonna ask him what he's doing? Right after Jose asked him some useless shit, the teen shouts " I want a FISH SANDWICH AND A FUCKING SMALL FRY!" Then he starts pulling shards of glass out of the door and begins throwing them at us. Luckily for us, he was either drunk or on drugs (or both), cuz his aim was just awful. Though he did manage to land some broken glass in some of the bags of food that were ready to be handed out.

"FUCK YOU!" That teenage punk was so close to getting his fucking lights knocked out, I swear. Between him and the customers screaming "HELLO!?!? ANYONE THERE!?!?" it was like a bad reality show or something. So anyways, our manager, "Sandy" was swift in contacting the police, and within 5 minutes, there were three cop cars clogging the parking lot outside. Now I knew I couldn't leave the 4 customers in the drive thru hanging, so I politely said "I'm sorry, but we're in the middle of a crisis and are no longer open." The girl sounded like a 16 year old, so perhaps it was fair to expect her to say "Oh, so does that mean you're closed?" Really lady, what do you think? I said we're not open, so maybe that means we're C-L-O-S-E-D?

The time was now 11:50. I was so happy ^.^ because it was almost time for us to leave. So Sandy told the cops what went down, so the dumb motherfucker is sitting on the front sidewalk in hadcuffs in front of the cruisers. I think the cops were trying to get ahold of his folks. BUSTED. But then everything gets shot to hell, because the supervisor, "Angelica" (the meanest female thing in the whole store) and the store owner, "Ms. Folley" (really nice lady to be running a McDonalds) showed up to personally assess the damage and to see if we were alright. Problem with that is: WE had to stay behind and clean up that teenage fuck's mess.

2 hours people....2 fucking hours is how long it took to clean up all that shittin' glass. "But hey, at least you got overtime!" Heh, yeah, a whole $9.65 for each of those hours. Well, the ONE good thing that came out of cleaning that shit up was that we found what the stupid kid used to break the glass in the first place: a medium-sized rock (big surprise there). It was laying in a corner on the opposite side of the store from the broken window. Personally I thought he smashed the glass with his thick head, because there was blood on some of the glass. Ultimately, it was from his hands when he ripped off the dangling shards to throw at us.

The funny part is, had we closed early like I had been nagging Sandy to do all night, none of this would've ever happened. For once in life, I was right about something.

THE END

(This is a TRUE story) :P